Today we perform open heart surgery

on who, you say

me

by whom, you say

myself

like anything else in life, this takes time

but what is time?

just meaningless numbers that dictate what moment and time we live in?

the present moment, I say

for I am here today 

not yesterday nor tomorrow

but today

how much time did you spend on yesterday today?

how much time do you spend on tomorrow today?

in this present moment

or should I say

precious moment

the moment between now and then

neither here nor there

but here and now

yesterday, today, or tomorrow

yesterday holds distant memories

moments of the past

for which I dwell

dwell on what I've said

dwell on what I’ve done

ponder the mistakes I’ve made

that have taken so much from me

yet in turn I have also gained from

with lessons came pain

with wisdom came growth

What have I become?

Who are you?

me, I say

the person you see here now today

with bruises, scars, and a few cracks in my heart

for today I am me

me in this precious moment

heartache and all

not the me from yesterday

native

not living in the present

holding on to grudges and smudges

left here on my heart

no that is not me

for today I am in this moment

here now

I am not the me of tomorrow

I have yet to know who I will be then

not the me from present and past

but the me of tomorrow

then and there

the me that has lived in the presence of today

with the lessons and pains from yesterday

but now lives in the wisdom and growth of tomorrow

but today I came conscious

I shall not the dwell on here nor there

past nor future

I am aware 

here and now

today

in this precious moment

-Eileen Sarai-

Such an elusive word, or I should I say state of being

Being transparent…what does that even mean?

Does that mean removing your fear of being exposed? 

Being raw

Raw to the world, or to yourself

which is harder?

letting others see you for who you are

or letting yourself see yourself for who you truly are

I can’t tell

judgement and fear can be so paralyzing 

especially when attempting to be transparent

to be real

to be raw

even pure

what are you afraid of?

yourself?

no harm can be done when you’re being true to yourself

pure intentions 

or so it may seem

seems so revealing 

shedding light onto your darkness

opening the doors to the secrets held within

but what are you hiding?

the past

the past which holds you back from your present, your future

who are you?

I can’t tell

Is this a hoax ?

I can never tell

what hides within

within my mind, my thoughts

or wait…should I say your mind and your thoughts

are we the same?

who is it that I see in the mirror…

you

me

I can’t tell

and maybe I will never tell

-Eileen Sarai-